my original plan was to sleep early (again) (i know) but figured since my sister just left the house (what unearthly hours) i could use some time alone updating….you about stuff….if you are interested….lol

either way, i’m surprised how january + partial feb fleeted past so silently. ever since i left junior college i don’t really keep track of dates (only rmb them briefly when i scribble stuff in my journal) so it was kinda frightening when i realised that i have lived 10 days of february subconsciously. even then, i do not want to keep track of the time because i know sometime very soon i will be taking my prelims..meh.

i picture myself somewhere (exam venue not yet known) taking my exam - an exam i am entirely unfamiliar with tbh. i rather keep it this way not in the sense of unpreparedness but just idk the novelty of things or maybe just to care less (on less important details).

idk if it is just me but i always compare myself now with myself in pri/sch/jc. the former being the most prevalent comparison made. maybe because i really like the way i lived my life then. so i always strive towards the notions of the pre-dated which are largely divergent from who i am now. sometimes i find it stupid to try to be like who i used to be but back then, i managed to do things i don’t think i can possibly manage now. simple things like improve grades drastically/be more ‘courageous’ in my context at least, in front of people. i somehow lose the ability to achieve things. as i grow older i cave in. i think twice, thrice before doing things. good or bad? 我不知道.

 in other news, i miss my friends. special close-to-my-heart ones. whom i never ever compare anyone with. DINNER WHEN AH :’)